Do you see any of the above scenarios taking place? If you do, you could be working for/with a Projection Bully.

Things Your Co-Workers Won’t Say

By Catey Hill | SmartMoney EG – Fri, May 6, 2011 3:00 AM EDT

Not all bullying is done by a boss, a manager, supervisor or whoever is above you.  Read on to see who else could be making your life miserable at work.

“Stop being such a bully.”

More than one in three people has been a victim of bullying in the workplace — from verbal abuse and intimidation to sabotage — according to a study conducted in 2010 by the Workplace Bullying Institute, a non-profit.

In most cases, the bully was a higher-ranking worker, but 28% of the time, it was someone at an equal or lower level. And often such harassment is inadvertent. For example, you may consider the teasing of a colleague good-natured, while it’s actually making him or her uncomfortable — not that you’d necessarily know it, says career coach David Couper. Just like at the playground, “people are scared of the consequences of calling a bully out.”

If it gets bad enough, it may cost a victim his job. More than 40% of women and 36% of men who had been the victim of bullying said they left their jobs because of it, a 2010 study by the Workplace Bullying Institute found. And that may be the best possible outcome. Workplace bullying can lead to “excessive and prolonged stress,” which contributes to a host of health problems, including both physical health issues like heart disease and irritable bowel syndrome, as well as mental health issues like depression and anxiety, says Dr. Joseph Cilona, a Manhattan psychologist. Treatment for depression, for example, can cost as much as $1,000 or more per month for counseling and medication, he says, and many insurance plans limit the number of therapy sessions per year.

You are being emotionally and psychologically beaten up.  Your physical health has been impacted by the stress.  Your life is not your own because the bully has managed to rob you of your joy, time with your family and confidence in yourself and your work.  You are at your wit’s end.  What now?

It is time to climb out of this swamp.  You have one foot on the bottom rung of the ladder and are taking one step at a time to free yourself from this person(s) and situation.  You look back, and the alligator is still swimming around, but you notice he is not quite as close as he was before.

Your heart is racing with a little apprehension.  Yet it also begins to anticipate what freedom will look like as you start to make decisions based on what you want.  The anticipation grows as you determine how to rid yourself of the slime and muck and loosen yourself from the jaws of the alligator.

The first thing to remember is that none of this is your fault.  You did not cause this bully to yell at you, insult you, embarrass you, ridicule you, and take credit for your work.  He did it because everything in life is always about him.  He is insecure about himself and his capabilities.  Okay, enough said.  No more focus on the bully.  Let’s focus on you and your freedom.

When people experience trauma, and you certainly have, there is a process that takes place to help you climb up and out of the murky waters of the swamp.

This process is the same as in any loss, it is in fact the grieving process, The Five Steps of Loss: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.

The length of time a person spends on each step, and the intensity of each, depends upon what that individual has experienced and how badly they want to gain their freedom.

Put yourself first.  Seek help from your private physician and if you don’t have one go to a free or low-cost clinic.  If you are experiencing problems such as abdominal pain, unexplained headaches, insomnia, and more, get medical help immediately.  Your doctor will be able to help you find out what is wrong and how to treat it through tests, medication, or other forms of treatment.

Keep records of what is being said at work, when, where, time and whoever was present.  Keep this in a locked drawer at work or take it home with you each night.

Keep a personal journal for yourself about how you are feeling and what took place that day or each day.  As you grow stronger you can look back and see how far you’ve come.  This also helps to release the anger, and anxiety out of your body and puts it on paper.  By doing this, it allows your brain to function  more clearly.

Support groups can help by talking this over with others who have experienced similar treatment.  However, I caution you not to get swept up in the “pity party” wave that some groups have.  Find a group that can offer concrete help, but that can also empathize with you.

Climbing out of the swamp means taking action.  Before you can take action, it would be helpful if you had a plan of action in order for you to move forward and heal.

Healing does happen.  It may take longer than you expect or want, and you may experience some resistance along the way.  However, the reason you are getting that resistance is because you are taking action and moving forward.  Good for you!!

No one deserves to be treated abusively, and going to work every day should not hurt.  The best way to learn about bullies and others like them is through education.  Education through attending seminars and workshops are a great way to learn how to recognize a bully ahead of time and how to deal with him if you become a target (victim).

Remember, don’t let a bully rob you of the joy in your life.

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If it’s true that a picture is worth a thousand words then our body language speaks volumes, especially in the workplace.  It is what managers of large corporations and owners of small businesses fail to see that often kills a business a little at a time.

Being able to understand and recognize body language is becoming more necessary and useful in today’s workplace.  It can make the difference  between getting a client or not.  It provides information that should never be ignored because in the end , it could damage the performance of a company.  For example:  if during a presentation you notice the client is drumming a pen on the table (a sign of boredom), or his feet are crossed (a sign his mind is closed), you aren’t following the cues.  Not knowing what your clients or others are thinking could seriously damage your business and future business relationships.  Knowing when to change strategies is the lynch pin to securing an account.

“During a negotiation meeting with union leaders, a manager whispered to his colleague that an agreement was about to be reached and hence they need not relax their conditions any further.  He was proven right within five minutes.   A calculated guess that just turned out to be lucky?  No, the manager had seen one of the main union leaders unbuttoning his coat…a sign of openness, friendliness or willingness to reach an agreement.”  Anil Bhatnagar

Body language tells it all.  It’s the successful business person’s secret weapon.  It can even set the tone of the workplace.  Employees are not always truthful with you.  They can be standing there smiling, agreeing with what you are saying, but if they fail to look you in the eye, they are not on board.  Body language is the most reliable indicator of actual behavior.

You want a staff that is energized and willing to fall into line with company objectives.  You have to know how to detect dissatisfaction and discreetly manage it for change.

The biggest problem with leadership communication is the illusion that positive change has occurred.  Many corporate leaders resort to commands, not communication.  It’s the old because-I-said-so form of leadershop and it does not work. This form of communication creates toxic emotions that can quickly spread and cause conflicts between people and departments, increase absenteeism, lower productivity, and add stress or even result in a mass exit of employees.  A good manager will lead his team by asking questions to get them to express themselves, share ideas, feel valued, and solve problems.  Instead of being powerful over his employees, an excellent manager will empower his team to be part of the decision-making process.  Managers and CEO’s can avoid conflict if they are tuned into what is not being said.

Learning how to detect body language is imperative in all aspects of business.  With signs and signals, people are nonverbally telling you what they need.  If you do not learn this unspoken language, you most certainly will lose out.

The same rules apply to employees who represent your company.  It’s not safe to give employees free reign with customers if they cannot effectively “read” them.  Intention detecting is necessary when it is important that every effort and every dollar pays off.

If you can detect what people are thinking through reading their body language, you will always be a winner.

One of the ongoing debates among those who study psychological abuse at work is the question of “bullying” vs. “mobbing.” At times it is presented as an either/or dichotomy. Some will use the term bullying exclusively, while others will use only the term mobbing.

Personally, I think of workplace mobbing as a form or subset of workplace bullying, but others don’t necessarily agree with my distinction. In any event, I’d like to look at two forms of multiple-aggressor abuse at work that may stand at the fault lines between common conceptions of bullying and mobbing.

“Puppet master” bullying

Let’s start with what I call puppet master bullying. In these situations, a chief aggressor’s power and influence over a group of subordinates may be sufficient to enlist their participation in mistreating a target, creating what looks and feels like a mob. For example, if the aggressor is a mid-level manager, he may recruit HR to help out with the dirty work and encourage the target’s peers to shun or bully her.

Even in cases of peer bullying, one aggressor can use intimidation and persuasion to turn others against a peer-level target.

One of the key indicators of puppet master bullying, all too infrequently realized, is what happens when the master is removed from the scene. Typically, much of the malicious energy that fueled the puppets fades away, and so with it much of the bullying behavior.

Genuine mobbing

By contrast, genuine workplace mobbing occurs when the malicious energy is shared among the many, who proceed to go after the few. It may have started as puppet master bullying, but regardless of its origins, this is now a mob, with individuals owning that animus in ways that fuel each other’s antipathy toward the target.

In these situations, even removal of the key instigators may not be sufficient to end the target’s torment, because too many individuals are now emotionally invested in his demise.

Target perceptions

From the standpoint of the target, the distinctions often matter little in terms of the experience of being on the receiving end. Whether it’s someone surgically directing or controlling her minions to bully an individual, or a true mob descending upon a lone target, it sure as heck feels like a mobbing.

For those studying these behaviors and trying to develop measures to curb them, however, the distinctions do matter. With puppet master bullying, removing the instigator(s) may be enough to stop the abusive behavior. With genuine mobbing, however, the remedy is even more difficult, because the emotional impetus to act has now infected an entire group.

Is one more common than the other?

I have yet to find a study that delineates between these two forms of bullying. However, based largely on a decade’s worth of listening to accounts of personal experiences, I believe that puppet-master bullying is more common than genuine mobbing, perhaps by a significant margin.

As a general rule, verbal abuse in the workplace is done by a supervisor or higher up in the company and stems from being a disciplinarian that has then escalated to consistent verbal abuse of the people under his authority.

This is not to say that the authority figure will always be the one that uses workplace verbal abuse to control their target by denigrating and belittling them. Co-workers can also be responsible for verbally abusing their counterparts and do it as a controlling measure to make the target feel lower in stature than the other workers in their departments.

The apparent reasoning for this workplace verbal abuse is generally all over the map, from the controlling boss wanting to keep his workers in a subservient role to a jealous co-worker wanting to earn points with the boss.

The actual reasons behind the verbal abuse in your workplace are not as important as what can be done about it. Besides just going to the abuser’s supervisor and complaining loudly, you should be keeping a record of these verbal assaults on you every time you are subjected to it.

Then if you should end up being terminated or suspended because of your inability to give the company your most productive work, you will have evidence of abuse and an extremely good reason for the poor performance if the verbal abuse is what is actually causing it.

This type of workplace bullying can be the reason behind many health issues that you might be experiencing too so get regular checkups with your doctor and let him know that you are under an extreme amount of stress caused by being verbally abused at work. The bottom line here is to document everything so it will be on record should you need it.

Try to reason it all out. Why are you being verbally abused and is it because of something you did to the abuser that is causing it or is it just the way they are. If it’s just the way they are then a lot can be done to bring pressure on them to stop but you need documentation of the abuse simply to prove that it is going on and is beyond being reasonable discipline, so prepare yourself first and you will have a much greater chance of stopping it forever.

Now the question is, who do you complain to that your boss is ridiculing you? Or, what about that co-worker that won’t help you on projects when needed?

“Many of these situations fall between the cracks of existing state and federal employment law,” said David C. Yamada, a professor at the Suffolk University Law School in Boston, who has actually drafted antibullying legislation.

“There is a real gap in the law that someone could be tormented and subjected to humiliation and really be suffering because of it, but the courts are saying it’s not severe enough for us to allow the lawsuit to go forward.”

These bills that are being introduced are often referred to as “healthy workplace” legislation. The name is more agreeable with business, but they also have an understanding of the serious health toll consistent harrassment in their workplace can have.

Victims can and do become physically ill from the stress which causes depression, anxiety and even symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder. Surveys have also suggested that victims of workplace harrassment will call in sick more often. Whether they are really sick or just avoiding the abusive environment is not always clear though.

“Mayor Chuck McClanahan of Corsicana Texas issued a proclamation declaring the third week of each October as Freedom From Bullies Week. Mayor John Cook of El Paso Texas issued the first proclamation October 19, 2010. This is the second mayor in the state of Texas to recognize Freedom From Bullies Week. Also, the Mayor of Round Rock has promised to issue a proclamation for that city.”

Here is a copy of the proclamation:

“FREEDOM FROM BULLIES WEEK”

As with any traumatic situation, we all experience a loss of some sort. In most cases we experience loss of self- respect, and the ability to work as before in a secure environment without being bullied.

These are the 5 steps of loss:

1. Denial: You do not believe this is happening or has happened to you.

2. Anger: You are angry at yourself for not seeing it coming or for not sticking up for yourself. You are also angry at your employer for not doing something about it, and worse yet, for not believing you about it.

3. Bargaining: You try to bargain with the bully. You think it will get him off your back if you are nice to him by saying what he wants to hear or by doing what he wants you to do even if it is beyond reasonable. What you have done is give the bully more power over you because you have now demonstrated you will do anything to make this stop.

4. Depression: The bully will not stop. No one understands what is taking place and your family and friends are tired of hearing you complain about this person. You have no one to talk to and you find yourself withdrawing from life.

5. Acceptance: The final step, you have accepted the fact that this has happened to you and you’ve realized this is not your fault. In order to remedy the situation, some form of action has to take place on your part. You can wish all you want that the situation gets better, but if you don’t take some form of action, it will remain the same.

Using belittling comments, exclusion from outings and criticism of work may seem relatively benign and get brushed off by business higher-ups as “kid’s stuff.” But the consequences to employees and even the bottom line are far from child’s play.

“Organizations don’t realize that just rude behaviors, ongoing discourteous types of behaviors, have such negative effects on employees,” said Sandy Hershcovis, assistant professor of business at the University of Manitoba

The review results by Hershcovis and Barling suggest that bullies can wreak more havoc on a company than can sexual harassment.

“I want to make sure that’s not misinterpreted to mean that sexual harassment didn’t also have negative outcomes; it did,” Hershcovis said. “It’s just that bullying was worse.”

Some explanations for the findings include the fact that sexual harassment is illegal.

“There is a legal outlet to victims of sexual harassment,” Hershcovis said. “Organizations have policies in place to prevent and deal with it. That ability to voice may give employees who experience sexual harassment some kind of hope.”

While some countries, such as Sweden, and places like Quebec and Saskatchewan have implemented some form of anti-bullying workplace legislation, researchers here agree the United States has done little in the form of anti-bullying laws. Corporations in the United States also lack policies for preventing or dealing with workplace aggression.

“Employers ignore bullying because they can. Its legality is what gives them the license to ignore it,” This according to Gary Namie of the Workplace Bullying Institute.

Following in the footsteps of sexual harassment, however, bullying could also gain enough awareness for legal action.